


mercy

by Hugabug



Series: again & again & again [2]
Category: Heneral Luna (2015)
Genre: Also on Tumblr, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Depression, I'm so sorry, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multi, Reincarnation, Self-Harm, fyi lang po, i shall distribute hugs now, this is not as happy as the last one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-06
Updated: 2016-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-12 05:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5653549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugabug/pseuds/Hugabug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your eyes they shine so bright<br/>I want to save that light<br/>I can’t escape this now<br/>Unless you show me how.</p><p>(”but i’d rather not trouble you.”)</p>
            </blockquote>





	mercy

**Author's Note:**

> Summary taken from the song Demons by Imagine Dragons.

he’s born and it feels _wrong_.

it burns a hole in the back of his head and in the center of his chest. he’s alive and he’s walking the earth and people respect him and people treat him as a person and he is privileged and he is blessed and he doesn’t understand _why_.

but he goes on with his life, with his studies, with his politics, and he keeps his head down, his eyes to the ground, the ache at the back of his head and the center of his chest ever present as he looks at the dirt and the filth and he thinks _i belong there. i belong there more than i belong here._

the doctors say its depression. his parents say its a low self-esteem.

he says its mercy.

and he doesn’t want any of it.

so he continues to walk and to breathe and to eat and to see, mindful of each slash that appears on his arms every midnight and every scab that decorates his thighs every dawn. he sleeps, but at odd hours, spending his time in the dark room of his mind with a faceless man in white and red, standing over him.

 _you don’t deserve it_  the man says, over and over. _you don’t deserve it._

 _you don’t deserve any of it_.

miong agrees.

 

* * *

 

he bumps into a man one day and he looks at him, at intelligent eyes and a smart mouth,  at a brain built for a revolution and hands itching for change.

and he kneels and looks away. he had dropped his papers.

“I’m so sorry.” the man says, sitting up straighter in his wheel chair as miong picks up the litter. “Here let me help--”

“no.” miong says, eyes to the ground, hands scrambling to get out of the way. “no, thank you.”

he picks up the last, his little notebook, and he stands, hugs the words and paper close to his chest, and he looks again, meeting concerned brown eyes with dull glazed ones.

“Have we met before?” the man asks.

 _yes_. “no.”

“Oh.” the man says, frowning but smiling a little and reaching out a hand. “Well, I’m Pole.”

and miong looks at the man-- at _Pole_. at Pole’s outstretched hand. At his mouth. At his cheeks. At his face. At his limp legs and his wheelchair and his forehead and his bright, _bright_ eyes.

then he looks at himself. sees the scars. sees the filth, the dirt.

and sees the man in his head.

 _you don’t deserve it_. he thinks. _you don’t deserve any of it._

miong looks at the ground again. "i apologise.” he says. “ but i’d rather not trouble you.”

he walks away before Apolinario Mabini can grace him with a reply.

 

* * *

 

that night, miong sleeps.

and he doesn’t dream of the man anymore.

 

* * *

[tumblr version](http://en-sam-malas.tumblr.com/post/136744219165/mercy)

**Author's Note:**

> ppl asked for a sequel, and i delivered.
> 
> i can only apologise *hugs*


End file.
